There's Bizarre, and Then There's THIS...

From the nation that gave us Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, ramen noodles, and Nomomania, Hideki Matsui rises above to give us another form outlandish, 21st century Japanese folklore....

Bobby Abreu, Derek Jeter, and Hideki Matsui had a rather frivolous wager going. The stipulations of said bet were as follows: the first man of the bunch to get married would have to pay $1000 a piece to the bachelors who DID NOT marry.

As 'luck' would have it, Hideki Matsui now has $2000 less in his Nikkei Japan savings account. With only manager Joe Girardi privy to the true nature of his early week departure, Matsui left the team for a three-day period this week to wed a mystery woman in an undisclosed location in New York. Despite the plethora of media that is covering this story internationally, Matsui does not want to reveal his wife's identity, nor does he wish to have any pictures taken of her.

And yet, there was Matsui, pictured in the March 28th edition of the New York Post, holding a composite sketch of his anonymous spouse, who is clearly on the run from federal agents, as the nature of the photograph would suggest. Rather than allow this story to fade into the backdrop of other zany headlines the Yankees have accumulated this offseason, the picture Matsui displayed may do something he never envisioned: he created masturbatory material for a slew of underground manga/anime fans nationwide. Beautiful as she may appear, 'Bridezilla' (as she is being touted in the New York tabloids) is nothing more than a 21st century Jessica Rabbit or Betty Rubble. I'm willing to bet that on various anime blogs out there, Matsui's other half has already been given a Lara Croft-esque bust and posterior, an image for a thirty-something, basement-dwelling, World of Warcraft players everywhere to ogle over.

As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the 33-year old Matsui can do to rid himself of this utterly bizarre turn of events is to remain consistent behind the plate and in the field. That is, if he can get past the members of Red Sox Nation who will surely be showing up to the ballpark with laminated placards of his oddly portrayed wife, a la Alex Rodriguez fresh off his exotic dancer scandal. Yamaste!