The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: Commentary on the Week that Was

The Good: MLB Stadium Spectacles

On the cusp of Opening Day, one that will see the last Opening Day in the history of The House that Ruth Built, baseball appeared to be alive and well. 115,300 fans were in attendance at L.A. Coliseum to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Dodgers' departure from Brooklyn. The game itself was rife with anomalies: pitchers had to ward against an incredibly short porch in left (201 feet), while hitters had to contend with a 60-foot obstacle called 'The Screen Monster.' The NHL had every right to rejoice when 100,000+ fans crammed themselves into Ralph Wilson Stadium for a bout between the Sabres and Penguins, but this event paled in comparison to baseball's feat. Nearly 116,000 fans witnessed an exhibition game against the Red Sox and Joe Torre's Dodgers, a team that has already bid farewell to their spring training complex in Vero Beach. Baseball's timeless tradition and impact on American culture truly has its allure, one that will draw some 40,000+ to watch the Braves compete against the Nationals tonight in Washington's new stadium, National Park (could it be that a team's name is actually in the title of a ballpark?).

The Bad: Baseball's Home Run King is Denounced

ESPN set a precedent when it started giving teams/individuals distinctions on its Bottom Line sports ticker. The trend started some two years ago, when Barry Bonds was chasing Babe Ruth's 714, and continued when Roger Clemens and the Patriots received recognition for their respective accolades in 2007. Knowing the magnitude of Barry's encroachment on a highly storied record, Giants ownership capitalized on Barry in spite of his association with BALCO and The Game of Shadows. Owner Peter Magowan and general manager Brian Sabean knew full well that Barry Bonds would be included in the infamous Mitchell Report and still rode Bonds's home run prowess to a windfall of revenue in 2007, going so far as to commemorate his every feat with countless scoreboard and outfield wall decor. And yet, how the times, they are a-changin'. The 2008 AT&T Ballpark outfield that Aaron Rowand will now patrol shall be, as per the same management that took advantage of Bond's bat, devoid of any Barry-related paraphernalia. After having served as the face of the Steroids Era in baseball, I suppose that Barry Bonds gets what he deserved all along: non-recognition for years of arrogance and deceit.

The Ugly: Jose Canseco, the Author, is Back

Perhaps lost in the whole Jose Canseco book fiasco is when the tell-all hits bookshelves: April 1st. Very fitting, when you consider that Jose Canseco has been connected to nothing but instances of tomfoolery over the years: hosting a party where his and Roger Clemens's wives compared bust sizes, appearing on VH1's D-list celebrity haven The Surreal Life, and implying that Alex Rodriguez pursued his wife at one point. In his 'memoir' Vindicated, Canseco further implies that he introduced A-Rod to a steroid distributor and claims that Magglio Ordonez was a rabid steroid user himself. The fact that people will flock in droves to purchase copies of a second trash-fest penned by Canseco is despicable. The man is a crock whose 462 home runs are a disgrace to one of the most exciting moments that sports offers: a four-bag trot around the diamond. The way things currently stand, generations of baseball fans will be raised on stories of Jose Canseco the celebrity scoundrel, not a power hitter whose astounding home run total will never get him into the Hall of Fame. Luckily, the court of public opinion won't allow for such a travesty.

King Kong Ain't Got S@#% on Me!

Lebron James holds many distinctions in today's sports landscape. High school basketball phenom. Tiger Woods's equal as Nike spokesman. MJ's heir apparent. Prolific scorer. First African-American Vogue cover model. Who would think that of all those achievements, holding Gisele Bundchen in his left arm would bring the most ire and controversy? How dare Tom Brady allow his significant other to portray herself so provocatively!

Speaking of Tiger Woods, remember when he was called to task for not responding 'appropriately' to Kelly Tilghman's lynching comments? Just imagine what Al Sharpton and the black community will say in lieu of James's portrayal of a 'gorilla-like black man?'

As quoted in the Associated Press: “[The cover] conjures up this idea of a dangerous black man,” said Tamara Walker, 29, of Philadelphia. From the lips of Samir Husni, respected analyst of Vogue magazine: “When you have a cover that reminds people of King Kong and brings those stereotypes to the front, black man wanting white woman, it’s not innocent." Jemele Hill, the utterly inadequate proxy for Jim Rome this past week, said that 'blacks are always portrayed with a beastly sort of vibe,' while whites are always conveyed as the 'smiling and laughing type.' Bitter? Party of one?

The most obvious comparison one came make relates to Lebron's moniker and Kong's larger-than-life title: Lebron 'King' James and 'King' Kong, two icons of their respective forums. Immediately, in the eyes of those infuriated by this controversy, comparing titles becomes akin to comparing physical features. With such mentality, racial stereotype becomes an issue, simply because James is shouting like a typical 'angst-riddled black man' in the photograph, his left arm gripping a beautiful white woman 'he's looking to prey on.' All forms of art are open to interpretation, seeing as I just took Atticus Finch's advice and 'stepped into the shoes' of an overly sensitive onlooker to this magazine cover 'scandal,' so as to observe things from his perspective. Even despite my attempts to understand this mentality, I simply cannot see the racial injustice here, seeing as how Lebron is only mimicking his in-game persona for a photo shoot. Lebron took it upon himself to appear on the cover and looked like he had fun in the process. I highly doubt that the immensely successful and insightful people at Vogue would sacrifice their readership and desecrate the occasion of placing a prominent black figure on the cover for the first time. I chalk America's perception up to one word that has dictated the portrayal of blacks and whites in the media for decades: ubersensitivity.

Now let me enjoy Lebron dominate the NBA with prowess and grace without having to hear that the 'King' is adding to 'the criminalization of black men, ' as Damion Thomas of the University of Maryland so wrongfully and spitefully puts it.

And Ms. Hill, observe how Magic Johnson IS and HAS ALWAYS HAS BEEN portrayed in sports media: he doesn't look so 'beastly' to me. Leave the analysis to experts like Two Live Stews, who CONSTANTLY outshine you on ESPN's First Take (no sexist undertones intended).

Hot Curry Spice

Just when you thought that this, of all years, would be the year when you finally won the annual office pool , you find your NCAA bracket busted by the likes of San Diego, Siena, and Western Kentucky.

Why not include Davidson in that mix, you ask? Because they're not the ones wearing glass slippers, as their 10-seed status would suggest. Check out their 2007-2008 non-conference schedule, and you'll observe that the Wildcats have been preparing all season for a moment like last night, when Stephen Curry's 33 points (103 overall in three games, a scoring clip only met by Loyola-Marymount's Bo Kimble) uprooted a tough Wisconsin Badger squad.

So what if the Wildcats lost to North Carolina, Duke, and UCLA by a combined 22 points in the regular season? Davidson is a game away (beware, Kansas Jayhawks fans: coach Bill Self has never led a team to the Final Four) from playing under the San Antonio spotlight, thanks in part to Dell Curry's astoundingly talented son Stephen. In a tournament laden with stories about phenomenal freshman (Kevin Love, Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, Michael Beasley, Kyle Singler, etc.), Curry has dazzled even Lebron James, whose jaw dropped on several occassions throughout the course of last night's Midwest regional final, what, with Curry's six baskets from downtown and one awe-inspiring reverse lay-up to lead his team to a 73 - 56 victory. Whether or not they cut down the nets on April 7th, Stephen Curry and the Davidson Wildcats are THE story of the 2008 NCAA Tournament.

There's Bizarre, and Then There's THIS...

From the nation that gave us Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, ramen noodles, and Nomomania, Hideki Matsui rises above to give us another form outlandish, 21st century Japanese folklore....

Bobby Abreu, Derek Jeter, and Hideki Matsui had a rather frivolous wager going. The stipulations of said bet were as follows: the first man of the bunch to get married would have to pay $1000 a piece to the bachelors who DID NOT marry.

As 'luck' would have it, Hideki Matsui now has $2000 less in his Nikkei Japan savings account. With only manager Joe Girardi privy to the true nature of his early week departure, Matsui left the team for a three-day period this week to wed a mystery woman in an undisclosed location in New York. Despite the plethora of media that is covering this story internationally, Matsui does not want to reveal his wife's identity, nor does he wish to have any pictures taken of her.

And yet, there was Matsui, pictured in the March 28th edition of the New York Post, holding a composite sketch of his anonymous spouse, who is clearly on the run from federal agents, as the nature of the photograph would suggest. Rather than allow this story to fade into the backdrop of other zany headlines the Yankees have accumulated this offseason, the picture Matsui displayed may do something he never envisioned: he created masturbatory material for a slew of underground manga/anime fans nationwide. Beautiful as she may appear, 'Bridezilla' (as she is being touted in the New York tabloids) is nothing more than a 21st century Jessica Rabbit or Betty Rubble. I'm willing to bet that on various anime blogs out there, Matsui's other half has already been given a Lara Croft-esque bust and posterior, an image for a thirty-something, basement-dwelling, World of Warcraft players everywhere to ogle over.

As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the 33-year old Matsui can do to rid himself of this utterly bizarre turn of events is to remain consistent behind the plate and in the field. That is, if he can get past the members of Red Sox Nation who will surely be showing up to the ballpark with laminated placards of his oddly portrayed wife, a la Alex Rodriguez fresh off his exotic dancer scandal. Yamaste!

Long Live 'The Stein!' The Evil Empire is Back!

As an exhausted follower of the Yankee tradition, I need to get this off my chest. Regardless of what you may read from these lines, I cannot and will not change my allegiance to the ball club. After all, guys like Hughes and Jeter are still worth rooting for:

Like my father before me, I am a tried and true, hotblooded, diehard Yankee fan. I even went so far as to suggest 'Mattingly' and 'Derek' as names for my first-born son (my sensible wife thought better of it; I suppose they'll be better suited for the dog, a la Indiana Jones). Upon meeting my mother, my dad molded her into a rabid Yankee supporter; they both, in turn, had an indellible say when it came to my baseball allegiance. I was raised on stories of Guidry and Munson, fed several accounts of Mick mythology, and made an advocate of Mattingly and Winfield. At age 14, I was taken to an on-the-field clinic, a time when I actually got to walk on the field at Yankee Stadium, on the same day that Derek Jeter made his debut in New York.


But ever since 1995, my father swore off the Yankees, cold turkey. "As long as a Steinbrenner is running the show," my father digressed, "I will no longer root for the Yankees." Ever since, he has followed that second-class club in Queens, having missed four championships in the process. For dad, it was a matter of principle: consummate pros like Don Mattingly, Mike Stanley, and Buck Showalter were ousted (as per George Steinbrenner) for the construction of a new regime, an era to be led by Joe Torre, the same manager who failed miserably in his short tenure as Cardinals manager. What sickened my father was the renaissance of the win-first mentality: although the Yankees played a magnificent five-game series against the Seattle Mariners as the American League's first Wild Card winner, they were deemed failures by ownership for not bringing home a championship. Such sentiment, according to my father, led to Donnie Baseball's premature retirement, the final straw of ruin for his pinstriped loyalty.


As luck would have it, Big Stein's deteriorating health would coincide with yet another change in the Bronx. As quoted and later reiterated in the Superman series, "The son becomes the father, and the father becomes the son." Welcome a new dictator at the helm, Mr. Hank Steinbrenner. My father's disgust for the organization may now last well into the next decade.



Under Hank's watch, this is what has become of the New York Yankees in the off-season:

• As taken from the lips of Hank: "I hope Andy Pettitte doesn't make us regret not trading for Johan Santana." As if Mr. Pettitte wouldn't have the mounting pressure of a Congressional investigation to worry about, the success of the Yankees' 2008 campaign rests squarely on his need to lead the pitching staff.
  
• Along the same lines, Hank has openly second-guessed Brian Cashman's trust in the youth of the organization, most notably Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy, and Joba Chamberlain, a tandem Cashman would not include in any prospective trade involving Santana. This same group could, if given a chance, do something extremely special.


• Ownership gave Torre a low-ball deal, bypassed Mattingly as his predecessor, and hired malcontent Joe Girardi as manager, who was cocky enough to don the number 27 to suggest that he will add at least another championship to the organization during his tenure.


• The organization allowed Billy Crystal to take the field in pinstripes. The comedian Billy Crystal. Who is 60 years old.


• The Yankees' relationship with Scott Boras transcended the game of baseball. Alex Rodriguez opted out of his contract during a World Series the Yankees were yet again not contending in (as per his agent), much to Hank's chagrin. "We will no longer deal with the likes of A-Rod," chirped the young Stein, who later reconsidered, signing the three-time MVP to a ludicrous deal.


• The Yankees' propensity to spend recklessly (Andy Pettitte was tendered an ace's salary this year, where he will earn $16 million) has driven ticket prices to infinity and beyond! A bleacher seat at one time cost the common fan $5. During high school, it cost me $8 to be amongst the Bleacher Creatures. By 2009, this same seat will cost $24 in the new stadium. Ticket holders can rightfully thank the tycoons known as the Steinbrenners for this shift in price and shift in baseball economics. A game once affordable to attend is no longer family-friendly.


• The new-look Yankees are now prone to picking fights with the (Devil) Rays in retaliation for playing baseball the right way: hard-nosed.


• Not that this is Hank's fault, but Suzyn Waldman and John Sterling are still given the rights to broadcast from the booth. On the radio, the Yankees are UNLISTENABLE.


• The Yankees broke the bank for players past their prime. Albeit heroes, Posada and Rivera were given pricey, multi-year contracts to be retained, with no interest conveyed to them in the free agent market. Furthermore, no viable replacements are waiting in the wings for either of them (oh wait, the catching and closing positions don't have to be filled in-house--that's something the organization can handle in free agency with longer, even more ridiculous contracts). Which brings me to my next point....


• Why would Joba Chamberlain, he of the 0.38 ERA, spectacular stuff, and unparalleled moxie, EVER be considered for a spot in the starting rotation? In the eyes of Hank's 'baseball people,' he will start in the not too distant future. It is HIGHLY unlikely that Rivera will pitch seamlessly over the life of his contract. With that said, Joba MUST be groomed as the next Yankee closer. It's not often a reliever like Mo comes around, one who can dominate with the longevity that he could, and yet, here is Joba, whose flashes of brilliance last year were a glimpse into his dazzling future, one that is eerily similar to Rivera's, a pitcher touted as a starter, used as a set-up man, and later groomed as a closer. Ask the Red Sox how that worked out.
• The Yankees entertained offers for Hideki Matsui, one of which included trading him to the Giants for Noah Lowry, who isn't even on San Francisco's radar as a top-line starter. Trading consistency for uncertainty reeks of how the Yankees USED to do things.
• Jason Giambi is still given a chance to prove himself as a first base candidate.
• The organization allows Luis Vizcaino to walk so that he may be replaced by LaTroy Hawkins. The last time the Yankees blew big money on a set-up man, Kyle Farnsworth came to town. Hopefully Girardi's contract came with a Rolaids clause.
• And last but not least, another quotable from Hank: "It's time that balance in baseball return itself to the way it was. ESPN promotes all things Red Sox and are singlehandedly responsible for creating Red Sox Nation. It's time for us, the Yankees, to bring balance back to the universe. The baseball world is for us to reclaim."

Like father, like son. Here's to decades more of the Steinbrenner legacy!

LONG LIVE THE STEIN!

25 Things I Learned from Watching Duke Bow Out to WVU

1. Bob Huggins will never miss coaching a team led by his former top recruit Michael Beasley, seeing as West Virginia is in the Sweet 16 and K-State isn't.
2. Mike Krzyzewski deserves to take a leave of absence from coaching USA Basketball in Beijing. He looks like a mess.
3. You cannot expect to win a contest when you go on an 0-15 drought from behind the arc for the greater part of one half.
   
4. The game was a tale of two halves, of two teams. Duke was not the team they were entering the locker room after the first half (inspired), just as West Virginia was not the team they were prior to listening to Bob Huggins's half-time speech (flat). In fact, the two teams collectively switched bodies, a la Freaky Friday (what it was to see Lindsay Lohan THAT good-looking).
   
5. Gerald Henderson is the Duke MVP.
   
6. Demarcus Nelson spoke a big game when he claimed he'd redeem his teammates over last year's NCAA loss to VCU, then disappeared in two games when he was needed most.
   
7. The Big East Conference is grossly underrated; WVU, Villanova, Louisville, Georgetown, and Pitt can attest to that with huge first and second round performances.
   
8. The Atlantic Coast Conference is highly overrated, as two Big East opponents (Villanova and WVU) have thoroughly picked apart two ACC foes (Clemson and Duke, respectively).
   
   
9. A lot can be said for the Mountaineers athletic program: Steve Slaton will surely be a first round NFL draft pick, the football program will not miss Rich Rodriguez as much as they initially thought, and the basketball squad has its name on the map after manhandling Duke in every statistical category.
   
10. Greg Paulus is not a prime-time player.
    
11. Kyle Singler let foul squabbles dictate his performance.
    
12. Brian Zoubek and Lance Thomas are NOT the answer in the post.
    
13. Please tell me how basketball 'experts' can liken Jon Scheyer's shooting touch to J.J. Redick's.
    
14. The nation wants the Blue Devils to lose just as much as they love to watch the Yankees fail. That Washington crowd was raucously in WVU's favor.
    
15. You live and die by the three point shot. The Devils hadn't been hot from behind the arc since February.
16. 'Size matters not,' was a crock concocted by a foolish Jedi master. With this being the smallest Duke lineup in recent memory, they simply did not stand a chance against Joe Alexander's ability to dominate.
    
17. The Mountaineer mascot is highly obnoxious. I'd take a mascot in a plush suit over a Davy Crockett knock-off any day. It's the equivalent of men who dress up for Civil War re-enactments: embarrassing.
    
18. Maybe this year will be a time when Bob Huggins can finally erase from his memory a flailing Kenyon Martin going down with a broken leg.
    
19. Bob Huggins simply does not like to dress up for the big game.
    
20. Who will Coach K offer a sideline position to next? David McClure? Greg Paulus? The prerequisite of not being able to make it in the pros fits them well.


21. Whenever a studio flashes a 'foreboding graphic' on the screen, "West Virginia is 0-8 this year when trailing at half-time," it tends to not work in the favor of the opposing team.
22. Ruoff's fadeaway three with time expiring on the shot clock in the second half was pure luck (and the obvious turning point in the contest, or, as CBS likes to coin it, "The Pontiac Game Changing Performance" of the night).
    
23. You can NEVER tire of the CBS NCAA jingle.
    
24. As much as I love the commercial, why does the Sidney Crosby Gatorade ad get so much airtime during BASKETBALL programming?
    
25. Wearing a Duke hoodie for three consecutive days will only go so far for the actual team's success.

The Life of Reilly

Much to my wife's IMMENSE pleasure (and much to her husband's deplorable chagrin), my most recent subscription to Sports Illustrated ended well before the Cubbies were knocked out of playoff contention in 2007. My college buddies always quipped that my wife (who was my girlfriend, at the time) could openly offer her body and I would voluntarily put things on hold once the Jack Macullum article was finished. I simply adored SI THAT much.

The magazine was out of my life for a plethora of reasons (finances, the birth of my son, time constraints, etc.), but the move to a new residence did its part to solve a part of the problem. Upon changing addresses, I found that the United States Postal Service was offering tremendous deals on various magazine subscriptions, including Sports Illustrated, which would cost a mere $39 a year (a FAR cry from the ludicrous $86 annual fee I was used to paying).

Unfortunately, the magazine underwent some drastic alterations since I last picked up a copy that was subscribed to me:

• For one, Steve Rushin, author of an outstanding column entitled Air and Space, is no longer part of the SI staff. His weekly contribution to the magazine was incredibly heart-warming, as it shined light on the sometimes very ugly world of sports.



• Dan Patrick has changed gigs, moving from the Sportscenter desk to the radio booth to the back column of SI, a space once designated for the great Rick Reilly, who has since moved on to ESPN the Magazine.
  

Of the two changes in command, Rick Reilly's absence perturbs me the most. It's not often that, when picking up a magazine, you turn to the back page first, as I did with every weekly offering of the SI archive. Reilly's articles were comical, poignant, enlightening, and altogether well-written. He was one of the few journalists that put Sammy Sosa on the spot amid the whole steroid brouhaha in baseball, suggesting that Sosa prove himself innocent by having his urine voluntarily tested. Reilly conveyed his knowledge of what Super Bowl XXXIX MVP Deion Branch did immediately after the Patriot win over the Eagles: he personally thanked EVERY coach that had a part in his football success, from the Pee Wee leagues on through the pros. Reilly singlehandedly made sports worth following, especially behind the scenes, where the human-interest stories he crafted were second to none. His work is so spectacular, I shared a copy of his acclaimed book Who's Your Caddy? with my father in-law, who is a golf fanatic. The book follows Reilly as he caddies for various golfers of all makes and models, including scoundrel John Daly and finance mogul Donald Trump. The book had both of us in stitches, as it offered a perspective on golf that even a purist would find disabusing. Personally, it only helps Reilly's cause that he is a rabid Barry Bonds hater.


For those of you not familiar with Reilly's work, you soon will be when the film Leatherheads hits theaters in April of this year. Credit him for the majority of moments in the film that you'll find humorous and insightful. After all, screenwriting is his next field of the craft to master. Luckily for me, in just a few weeks, I will welcome the Sports Illustrated subscription back into my home, but not without 'genuflecting' first over the loss of Reilly to the SI staff.

"And with the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select..."

It's been twenty three years since the streets of Washington, D.C. were abuzz with dynasty talk, thanks in part to John Thompson's remarkable run with the Hoyas in the 1984-1985 campaigns. If not for Rollie's Wildcats, we wouldn't be stuck watching the aforementioned Thompson skulk about in the new 'Become Legendary' ads, the very same promos that tout the Boise States and Appalachian States of the world as 'legends,' not the 'Cinderellas' we always thought they were (my apologies to the Michigan Wolverine faithful, who are still reeling from the Lloyd Carr exodus and the Terrelle Pryor--Buckeye signing; maybe the traitorous Rich Rodriguez will cure all your ills this fall).


Speaking of John Thompson, I had the 'pleasure' of listening to his expertise on the current NCAA Tournament, courtesy of Westwood One's Selection Sunday radio show. To put it bluntly, his analysis was painful to trudge through (and perplexing, since he showed no love to his son's incredible work at G'Town). I fear that Thompson, like many of his predecessors, is busy parrying a fork from being stuck in his plump undercarriage. Allow these several examples to epitomize the very notion of 'finished:'

• Bob Knight brings little substance to his daily college basketball analyses on ESPN with all the Digger Phelps ass-kissing he has to trudge through. He even went so far as to state, on-air, that his wife was 'the greatest recruit of his coaching tenure.' Not what I expected from the player-choking, ref-jarring, chair-punting Mussolini who patrolled Indiana's sidelines all those years. Could he still be THAT slighted after ESPN chose Brian Dennehy to play him in a biopic? (By the way, we're all collectively waiting for that apology you owe Jeremy Schaap).
  
• All Kelvin Sampson can do is watch as his former team battles and subsequently fails against opponents like Minnesota when a Big Ten tournament title was all but theirs (I will say though, with great pride, that New York Knick fans are already placing Eric Gordon in blue and orange; if only Starbury would follow through on those aspirations to play in Italy).


• Eddie Sutton, 'Big Country' Bryant Reeves's former coach, has etched his name in the college basketball history books by notching his 800th win with perennial NCAA contenders...the University of San Francisco? The previous 799 must look all the more enticing when you consider Eddie led 'The Don' to a 6-13 record (since his December take-over) in the West Coast Conference (which had looked awful with collective first round losses by Saint Mary's and Gonzaga, until those Toreros put a dagger in the heart of Jim Calhoun).

As if the point weren't made already, these former coaching legends need to make a graceful Dean Smith-like exit; after all, their egos will receive a boost once they get a floor/arena/gym named after them (that is, unless, your name is Coach K, who already enjoys this distinction despite his yet-to-be terminated career. By the way, all of us Blue Devil fans can breathe a sigh of relief thanks to the gritty play of Nelson and Henderson in the closing minutes against Belmont. Let's hope the Devils don't make the same mistakes against West Virginia on Saturday. Even despite such high hopes, that Duke/UNC final is looking less and less likely if Greg Paulus continues to 'defacate the bed' in big game situations).

Which brings me to my point about legends, futures, and ping pong balls. This year's edition of the Hoyas has been ably run by Roy Hibbert and the son of most prolific scorer in New York Knicks history, Mr. Patrick Ewing, Jr. ESPN had it right when they named Ewing, Sr. the 16th greatest college baller of all-time, ahead of the likes of Ralph Sampson, Tim Duncan, Elgin Baylor, and David Robinson (although his NBA accolades, as splendid as they were, pale in comparison). The current New York Knicks (insert scathing Isaiah Thomas ramblings here) are in DIRE need of a ping pong ball proclaiming them the 2008 lottery winner. And if that rivetting thought weren't enough, the winds of change are upon us in the metropolitan area:

1. Both Kiki Vandeweghe and Donnie Walsh's names have surfaced as replacements as Knicks executives (please God, allow this to be true!).
2. Names like Mark Jackson (yes!), Kenny Smith (no!), and Jeff Van Gundy (been there, done that) have been linked to the all-but-realized Knickerbocker coaching vacancy. As much as I just belittled it, it would be fun to see Van Gundy's nip at the heels of an unsuspecting Eastern Conference big man again (you gotta love the man's fire, though. Isaiah hasn't come close to such fervor since taking the helm in what seemed like EONS ago).
3. Stephon Marbury, as alluded to earlier, has been so intrigued by the Italian countryside that he wishes to play out the rest of his professional career overseas. I say, "follow that impulse. It'll mean so much to the Knick fanbase that we'd even be willing to forget all of your silly feats, including naming yourself the best point guard in the NBA."

(While we're Knick-bashing, I'd like to see the subsequent release of James Dolan from Knick ownership, even if his finances have resuscitated the Ranger franchise).

Without further or due, my vision of the New York Knicks 2008 lottery success.....

"And with the first pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select...."

(Talk about a pack of diaper dandies!)

MICHAEL BEASLEY: The K-State big man has shown that he can shine on the big stage, in which he effectively planted his size 18's on the neck of the most overrated recruit in college basketball history, O.J. Mayo. The Knicks need that kind of flash, star-power, and scoring. I'm salivating at the very thought of him rising to the challenge in New York's frontcourt, something Eddy Curry and Zack Randolph have collectively tanked at. I don't care how nasty he'd look with the D-Wade/Shawn Marion tandem in Miami; the Knicks need to lose-out for the remainder of the season to guarantee having as many ping-pong balls as the Heat do.

ERIC GORDON: The only point guard that makes sense, considering the Knicks have already failed with Marbury, Jalen Rose, Steve Francis, and company. They need another point guard to rise to supremacy to take the bad taste out of my mouth of these past failures. Hell, I'd take Gordon playing in 2009 at a Chris Childs/Derek Harper-esque level right about now.

DERRICK ROSE: Outstanding athleticism? The product of solid coaching? Buckets and playmaking galore? What more could I ask for: THIS KID CAN PLAY. I'd love for him to rip the number 23 away from Quentin Richardson this fall.

KEVIN LOVE: An overhyped, under-sized big man who'll surely do his best Keyser Soze on the professional stage? (Surely you know that I'm alluding to Soze's vanishing act, not his killer instinct here). Ask Bryant Reeves how NCAA success as a slow, bulky white guy translated to the NBA style-of-play. NEXT...

O.J. MAYO: Wasn't I just giving him demerits earlier? Why would I want another Jamal Crawford-type who favors perimeter play over taking it to the hoop? To a degree, Rose can be rather similar, but he doesn't come pre-packaged with Marbury-like hype. The New Jersey Nets can have Mayo; I'll even wrap a ribbon around his neck for them.

TYLER HANSBROUGH: I LOVE his passion and hustle, but can't find anything endearing about his style of play. He makes the game of basketball look somewhat ugly with his unorthodox kinesthetics on the court. Then again, I said the same things about David Lee. Now imagine how good Lee would look if he scored at the clip that Hansbrough can. I'd settle on Tyler, even though the Dukie in me wretches at the very thought of such praise.

NOTE: Mind you, a dazzling draft pick will only address a slight need for the Knicks, who still have a strain in the locker room thanks to the likes of Marbury, Nate Robinson, and Zack Randolph, let alone the lack of effort they continue to get from Eddy Curry. For all intensive purposes, that entire roster needs to be scrapped with the exception of Jamal Crawford, David Lee, and Renaldo Balkman, but Rome itself wasn't built in a day either. Hell, if the Giants can eradicate the Ray Handley/Dan Reeves years, the Knicks can surely get back to the way things were.

Let's look at this way: the NBA NEEDS to see large-market cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Boston succeed.

KG / Allen / Pierce are already making it happen in Beantown, just as Kobe / Bynum / Gasol are replicating such success on Jack Nicholson's stomping grounds in Inglewood. Watch what a Boston/L.A. final will do for the game, should it happen (the NBA simply cannot sustain another Cleveland/San Antonio stinker, even if names like Duncan, Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker, and the great Lebron James are in the spotlight). Ratings-wise, the NBA has not seen much happen since Michael Jordan left (is there any coincidence that he thrived in an aforementioned big market?). And where did MJ shine best? On the floor at Madison Square Garden, against those New York Knicks I so badly want to root passionately for again. David Stern, 'conspirator' of the Ewing selection, you need to make Michael Beasley happen in New York. If not for a twentysomething sports fanatic, do it for the good of Gotham.